


Fifty Shades of Pale: Memento

by meadows



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Pale, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pale Smut, Palerom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-27 12:32:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2693123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meadows/pseuds/meadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Distracted by all of the recent pale developments on the meteor, Rose sets out one evening to try and take her mind off things. She finds herself in waaaay over her head...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PlayTheRain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayTheRain/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Fifty Shades Of Pale](https://archiveofourown.org/works/890644) by [PlayTheRain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayTheRain/pseuds/PlayTheRain). 



> Motivated by my own cuddlelust, I started writing this as a continuation to satisfy a need before "Fifty Shades of Pale" came off hiatus. **This is supposed to take place immediately after[Chapter 32](http://archiveofourown.org/works/890644/chapters/2084281), so make sure you're caught up or none of this will make sense.** I wound up getting PlayTheRain's blessing for this little detour, so consider it an official unofficial continuation of the number-one story of pale debauchery. This is one of my favorite ships and I hope it will be yours too after reading.  
>  Please enjoy (responsibly)!

TRIGGER WARNINGS: #first_time_pale, #semi_noncon, #interracial, #spooky_movies, #flighty_broads, #temporal_shenanigans

==> Be Rose

That may not be the most advisable course of action right now. Seriously, there are some major feelings going down on that side of the meteor. BIG FEELINGS, like you don't understand. Nobody understands.

==> Be Rose anyway

After hiding in her human respite block all day, Rose was laying on the floor and staring up at the ceiling. But in a dramatically earth-shattering effort to change things up, she decided to flip herself turnways onto her stomach, resting her head on her arms and staring impassively at the spectacle before her. Various textbooks, journals, and copies of Kanaya's pale romance novels were strewn about the floor, bed, and other curious spots in a manner that, by any stretch of one's imagination, could not even remotely be described as organized. Rose would probably be able to conjure up a highly apt superlative to accentuate such a point, except for the fact that she simply did not care at the moment. The books were of no help to her--no new knowledge to be gleaned--and they'd long since passed the point of being useful many hours ago. Who was she kidding, perhaps they were never even helpful at all. For all the information they held, Rose felt as though the thing she sought was locked up beyond her reach, unseen to the naked eye.

Fragments of conversation from the last few days continued to cycle through Rose's mind and did nothing to improve the grimness of her current mood. Tavros' insults. Dave's rejection.

And Kanaya...

Rose buried her head in her arms, as though taking shelter from a harsh storm raging about her. Who were they to pass judgment on her? As if they even understood a thing about her. A cowardly troll and a brother-not-brother were somewhat easy to disregard, but even Kanaya...

Over and over again these scenes replayed and she felt an old but familiar sensation begin to well up from deep inside. That cold, sinking feeling that comes the moment before a large drop on a roller-coaster. Like ice running through her veins. Before she realized what she was doing, she snatched up the nearest book and was ready to hurl it at any grim apparition so as to drive it away. The sensation quickly subsided, her breath slightly ragged. Rose moved to drop the book, but her gaze fell upon a sheet of paper she had used to bookmark a page...jutting out from the book all impudently. It was Karkat's daily schedule, which she then retrieved and unfolded. Rose took a moment to regard the sketch of Zazzerpan the Learned that adorned one corner of the paper--an addition she'd deemed highly acceptable if not downright essential. The quality of any material graced by his magnificent countenance was guaranteed to be significantly elevated. She gave the Zazz an approving nod and turned her attention to the schedule itself. Judging from the quiet she sensed throughout the corridors beyond, she had already missed the greater majority of the day's activities.

A quick glance at the faint glow of her nightstand clock confirmed her suspicions: **9:52pm**  
Rose's vision swept across the minefield that her room had become over the course of a long day's brooding and she let out a low sigh.

Get it together, Lalonde. The amount of favors you are doing yourself by keeping this up is exponentially approaching a certain mathematical limit. Which is to say zero. Take a break and find something else to occupy yourself with already. 

According to the schedule, her remaining options for the evening were rather limited. Which is to say there was only one.

Out of all their troll companions, Rose realized she'd spent the least amount of time with Aradia. Not because the girl was unlikeable, she just had a unique way of making herself blend in while watching eagerly from the sidelines. A trait that, much like the red pixie troll herself, seemed to go unnoticed by the others, but one that Rose found intriguing nonetheless. And if for some reason they wound up having nothing to talk about, at least there were movies to watch.

Her mind now made up, Rose took a moment to make herself appear somewhat acceptable before setting out, lest she look as disheveled as the room from which she now emerged. She stepped into the dark hallway and the pneumatic door hissed shut behind her.

 

* * *

 

After navigating a mazelike series of corridors and ascending what seemed like countless flights of stairs, Rose found herself standing before a large arched doorway adorned with a set of velvety red curtains. Rose paused in wonder, taking a moment to gather herself before carefully pushing one curtain aside and stepping through. The room was spacious yet cozy, and it bore a striking similarity to a home theater--one of the many rooms in her cavernous house back on earth. Before her was a semicircle of oversized burgundy couches adorned with big cushions and plush-looking pillows. A large, blank screen loomed upon the far wall beyond. Below it, a low wooden table on which many candles flickered playfully in the darkness, illuminating the room with a warm amber glow like an old painting. A lone figure in a black hooded cloak sat behind the table, its face obscured in shadow.

"The weary traveler approaches," an unknown female voice said dramatically as the figure lifted its head to reveal a mask of carved wood with narrow slits for eyes and a mouth. Its expression seemed both mirthful and threatening, "Seeking guidance through the storm of transition from this side to the other."

Rose was slightly taken aback at this strange welcome, unsure exactly what to say or do except freeze in place.

The figure stood, cloak fluttering lightly, and continued to speak: "A journey known by many as the thousand-one nights. No soul capable of moving forward on their own. So the eternal question falls upon thee: hast thou brought forth the three hallowed signs of beginning, middle, and end?"

"No..." Rose said flatly, stepping forward to get a better look. She would have suspected John of this japery, were it not for the female voice.

"The rites are unspoken for!" the girl boomed, thrusting her arms out wide, "Begone with thee! No place have you here! Fade away, fade away in the ages!"

Turning with a flourish, the figure pulled the cloak and mask off, revealing a pixie-winged, ram-horned troll adorned in a crimson god-tier outfit emblazoned with the gear-shaped logo of the Time aspect.

"Hi Rose! I was just joking about the leaving part, you can stay," Aradia said.

"I assumed as much. What exactly was all that?" Rose asked.

"You were treated to an encounter with Nacera, patron god of the underworld. Shepherd of the dead!" Aradia responded, showing the mask off proudly.

"Excuse me?"

"It is a figure from ancient Alternian mythology. One is said to meet with Nacera upon their death, and must bring proof with them that they are ready to make the transition to the afterlife," Aradia continued.

"Fascinating. Pray tell, what sort of proof does this otherworldly guide demand?"

"Oh that is another long and interesting conversation that we will have to save for later. It isn't what you're here for though," the troll girl reached up to lift her hood and pull it back, letting her wavy obsidian hair fall along her shoulders: "After all, I've been expecting you..."

"Have you now?" Rose retorted, raising an eyebrow in subtle challenge to the remark, "Might I be so bold as to remind you who is the Seer here?"

"Who indeed?" Aradia mused, smile widening even further.

There was a silence, but just before it became long enough to be awkward, Aradia continued: "I am glad that you decided to join me tonight, Rose. For a moment I was beginning to worry that nobody would. Not many have recently..."

Rose took a few steps further towards the table and then lowered herself to sit gracefully on the nearest couch, "Yes well... My intution tells me that may have something to do with our teammates being unusually preoccupied with certain quadrant-based happenings over the last few days."

Aradia let slip a very schoolgirl-like giggle and brought a hand up to cover her mouth.

"That's quite the observation alright. Things have been getting a bit scandalous around here lately."

"Indeed."

Before either of them could spend too much time dwelling upon a certain railing that was publicly broadcasted, Rose seized the opportunity to satisfy her curiosity and went out on a limb:

"Aradia, I'm aware of the cultural significance of such things, but even so you must forgive me if this is rude to ask. But have you ever..."

"Yes?" Aradia said, leaning forward with interest and genuinely seeming as though she is unaware of what Rose was trying to ask.

Why am I suddenly finding this so difficult? 

"I mean have you been in a pale relationship before?"

Another giggle rang through the air before Aradia answered coyly, "Oh Rose! A lady never hugs and tells!"

"I see... Well I suppose I can understand that."

"Why do you want to know?" Aradia hummed, poking at one of the candles on the table and causing a bead of wax to dribble down the side, "Does it interest you?"

"Purely from an intellectual standpoint," Rose answered rather quickly, "I am making a concerted effort to deepen my understanding of the cultural intricacies of our new housemates."

"It's great that you're taking an interest in becoming so multicultural, Rose. I was unsure whether humans would be curious about any of our customs."

"It has certainly been... enriching, to say the least," Rose said.

Sensing another impending awkward pause, Rose decided to press forward: "So... Now that I have had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of the god Nacera, I can't help but wonder what else is in store for this 'Spooky Time' you are hosting."

"Ah! Well, that performance was just a little fun I was having. We mainly watch movies here," Aradia said, gesturing to the large screen behind her.

"I could not have possibly guessed such a thing," Rose said, pouring on that special brand of Lalonde sarcasm sauce.

"Then this may also take you by surprise, but the movies happen to be of the more frightening variety."

"Thank heavens I am already sitting, lest I faint from the sheer shock of this revelation."

"Since you're so keen on expanding your cultural horizons, maybe I can interest you in a sampling of Alternia's finest horror cinema?" Aradia said, producing a stack of jewel-cases from one of her sleeves and fanning them out enticingly in front of her face like a hand of cards.

"I might be persuaded, yes. You said they are Alternian though. Do they come with subtitles?"

"Definitely! That same alchemizing trick for translating books using the dictionary seems to work with other stuff as well. Very lucky."

Aradia seemed very pleased with herself and waved the discs back and forth a little.

"So which one would you like to watch, Rose?"

Ignoring the fact that the discs were clearly burned copies (no doubt Sollux assisted there) with handwritten titles in Alternian, Rose could tell Aradia was merely asking in order to be a polite host. Her seer powers were already in motion, and Rose automatically knew which one was the 'right' one to pick. She extended a finger to point at one on the very end.

"Oh oh oh! Great choice! That one's my favorite," Aradia said, clearly elated, "Well, they all kind of are but I really like that one in particular."

Aradia pranced over to a panel on the wall near the screen, popped the disc out of its casing, and slid it into the player that was mounted there. On cue, the lights began to dim, the projector clicked on and hummed to life, and within moments the movie was starting.

The two took their seats on the couch as the film's title began to roll up the screen, a large wall of text that made even Rose balk somewhat. She had heard of the overly-descriptive natures of troll movie titles, but had assumed that John was exaggerating to lend credibility to his favored point that "trolls sure are weird."

Having been already semi-spoilered by the title, Rose watched the film with little fascination. It turned out to be a box-standard horror flick, complete with oblivious protagonists being stalked and murdered in various brutal ways by an alleged supernatural figure which, in a totally unexpected twist of events, is later revealed to be just a normal person. Films like this never interested Rose, and so she occasionally glanced over at Aradia, who seemed to be sitting on the literal edge of her seat with a wicked grin plastered on her face throughout the film's duration. Before long, the obligatory haunting credits-music was playing and the lights slowly faded back on.

"So what did you think Rose? Wasn't that great? The corpse party they had afterward must have been amazing!" Aradia gushed, clasping her hands together and staring reverently off into the distance at nothing in particular.

"I wouldn't doubt it. The film was very nice, thank you Aradia," Rose answered smoothly, her expression hardly faltering in a masterful display of strained politeness. It was an art she had perfected after many years of waging passive-aggressive warfare with her mother, after all.

"I'm surprised though. The others seemed much more... affected than you, Rose. Do you not find these types of films scary at all?"

"I believe that is because, unlike me, the others did not have the displeasure of playing host to the dark eldritch lords in their own thinkpans," Rose offered with a half-smile and a sullen look.

"Then do the horrorterrors frighten you, Rose?" Aradia asked, "I guess maybe my experience with them is a little different since I've spent a lot of time in the dream-bubbles."

Rose took a moment to marvel at the horned girl who was peering at her curiously, surprised at how casual her attitude towards the gods of the Furthest Ring seemed to be. Although, if she had indeed spent a great deal of time as a ghost herself, then maybe her outlook was a bit biased...

"It is quite different, I can assure you. Existing in their medium versus actually becoming their medium is..." Rose's eyes glazed over for a moment and Aradia didn't even need to guess at the implied meaning there.

"But you're free from their control now, aren't you? You've reached God Tier and they can't harm you."

Rose let her gaze drop and her shoulders sink a little as she recalled nearly losing her temper back in her room earlier. She fidgeted with the hem of her orange robe, lost in a moment of indecision.

The moment soon passed and she said hesitantly: "I am not really sure."

Aradia put a hand up to her cheek in a somewhat exaggerated effort to look contemplative while also taking careful note of Rose's obvious discomfort.

"Hmm, personal doubts tend to linger and grow unless they're addressed. Why don't we ask, then?" Aradia clapped her hands together and shot another bright look at Rose.

"I'm sorry?" Rose faltered, a beat clearly missed, "Ask...who?"

"The spirits, of course!" Aradia said a bit too cheerfully, then spread her arms out wide and grinned almost as broadly as the gesture. As she moved, a rectangular board and small, wooden object shaped like a teardrop fell from her sylladex, descended onto the table before her, and landed with a light clatter. The board was covered in the full Alternian alphabet, surrounded by various symbols and smaller phrases.

"Ouija..." Rose said flatly, instantly recognizing the setup.

"Oh! You have this as one of your earth games too?"

"Yes. Although, I believe the one I had at home may have been... broken," Rose said, thinking back on her own experience with this game.

Rose recalled sitting alone in her room as a young girl, staring expectantly at the board she had been given as a gift. She reached out and poked at it every so often but her excitement quickly faded to disappointment as the wooden piece did not move. She could not recall how long she had sat there, waiting and wondering what she was doing wrong. The instructions were clear that the device was made to be used in tandem, but Rose only had herself. Rose tried twice as hard, concentrating as much as she could muster, but in the end it changed nothing.

"So you know about it then! Good, very good. Come here," Arada said excitedly, almost bubbling.

Aradia reached out to grab one of Rose's hands and pulled her over to sit down on the floor beside her. The contact was brief but the gears in Rose's mind began to whir rapidly as the significance and magnitude of the seemingly innocent gesture settled upon her. She stared intently at Aradia, who was still talking about the board and some of the finer points of communicating with these so-called spirits.

"So are you ready?"

Aradia's words brought the world back into focus and Rose gave a hasty, reflexive nod.

Rose could almost feel the air vibrating with Aradia's excitement as she reached over hesitantly to place her hand on the wooden pointer-piece. Aradia watched expectantly, her own hand already in position, while Rose looked back and forth between the troll and the gameboard.

"What am I supposed to ask?"

"Anything you like! That's the magic of it"

"Magic? I see..." Rose said, trailing off as she tried to think of something to ask. While it was true the horrorterrors were a more serious and practical concern, she settled upon something a little simpler in the spirit of the game. She closed her eyes and nodded, indicating she was ready.

For a while, the two of them just sat there in silence, waiting for whatever otherworldly guests to appear and answer their call. Just as Rose was about to let out a sigh of disappointment, the wooden piece suddenly jolted beneath her fingers. At first, she wondered if it wasn't her own hand that slipped, but it genuinely seemed to be moving of its own accord, carrying her hand and Aradia's along with it. Rose stared quizzically, not sensing any discernible type of magic radiating from the game board. Slowly, the pointer inched towards a letter, paused briefly, and then began its journey to the next. Although she could not read Alternian, Rose felt that something had struck a small chord of excitement, its vibrations filling her chest. She glanced at Aradia, who wore a determined and solemn look upon her face.

Feeling compelled by some unseen force not unlike the one moving the Ouija piece, Rose spoke up.

"Do you find it comforting, talking to the spirits like this?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" Aradia replied, looking as though she did not wish her concentration to be broken.

"Well, you were once a ghost yourself, correct?"

"I was. So I can see why you'd think that," the ram-horned troll said flatly, not showing much interest in this line of questioning.

"Is that why you enjoy these things so much, because it helps drive your concerns about the afterlife away?"

"Does there have to be a reason?" Aradia said, the corners of her mouth tilting into a slight frown.

There was another pause between the letters and a silence that hung in the air for what seemed like forever. No wood scraping across the board, just the soft rise and fall of their breath. Rose's curiosity was still unsatisfied, quotes and analyses from the troll psychology books she'd been reading drifted through her mind.

"Was it lonely when you were dead?"

"Not really. I was still able to talk to my friends. I remember that I mostly just didn't care about much of anything anymore."

"Wasn't that sad for you, though?"

"I don't know but... Please be quiet so we can focus or else the message will get mixed up."

Rose couldn't help but feel a bit defeated as Aradia dismissed her so abruptly like this. Having never played this game with someone, she wondered whether maybe it wasn't proper to talk during a session. Perhaps a more direct approach was needed here, assuming she was reading the situation correctly. Which she probably definitely was. Rose Lalonde does not make miscalculations, when it comes to calculations she is simply the best there is.

The gears were turning full force again, a wide array of scenarios racing through her mind as Rose sought and reached for the most fortuitous outcome. The edges of Rose's vision went soft as she concentrated harder, the right move just beyond her grasp and then... There! She had it! The Ouija piece seemed to have slid to a punctuating stop at last.

Wasting no time on any further deliberations, Rose had pounced. In one fluid motion, she grabbed Aradia by the shoulders and pushed her to the ground. In the same movement, she slid atop Aradia and straddled her hips, fingers interlaced as she pressed their palms together and held the Maid of Time against the floor. Their faces were now only a few inches apart and both of them exhaled simultaneously: one in triumph and the other in shock.

"Rose..." Aradia said nervously.

Only a soft "hmm" was given in response as Rose stared intently into Aradia's eyes.

"Um... Could you maybe get off me? This... This is very embarrassing"

What was it Kanaya said about consent? If a troll doesn't actively resist then... 

"I think I would prefer to stay right here, thank you." Rose replied, looking rather smug.

She felt Aradia begin to wiggle and fidget, as though trying to inch her way out from underneath her.

"No, you really should move," Aradia said, beginning to look very discontent, eyes shut while biting her lip as though concentrating on something out of sight.

Rose simply shook her head in response, then lowered it with planned precision to press the tip of her nose against Aradia's for a brief moment.

The troll girl attempted to recoil but could not do anything while pinned against the floor.

"Rose please. I can't. You need to s-...."

Rose leaned forward even further, slowly bringing her cheek towards Aradia's. She felt a slight tingle in the air just as she was about to make contact and...

" **STOP!** " Aradia blurted out, nearly a snarl. Her grip on Rose's hands tightened to the point where it was almost painful, which caused Rose to lose focus for a fraction of a second. In that moment, Aradia pushed upwards and sent Rose tumbling back while she still held on. Rose soon found herself in the opposite position, pinned beneath Aradia, feeling winded from the sudden impact.

Aradia was silent, her head hung low, face obscured by her cascading hair. She drew heavy, rhythmic breaths in an apparent effort to compose herself. Rose took stock of the reversed situation and then said very hesitantly:

"Perhaps.... that was rude of me"

Aradia had still not moved or broken contact, her weight bearing down upon Rose and denying her any chance of absconding.

"Do you want me to leave?" said Rose, her tone faltering somewhat upon the last word.

There was no response; Aradia was silent and eerily still, like a stone gargoyle perched atop a gravestone.

"Aradia?" An icy chill ran up Rose's spine as they continued to sit there, neither of them moving at all.

Just as Rose opened her mouth in another attempt at dialogue, Aradia's head snapped up and in the blink of an eye their faces were inches apart again.

Rose had no time to register the movement before those wide eyes were staring her down in a fierce glare. Intense and determined.

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH", the first sound in what must have been minutes issued forth from the troll's lips. It was a loud, strained noise. Like a cat that had been backed into a corner, hissing and bristling with fury.

"Wha--" Rose started to say.

"SHHHHHhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH!"

Rose didn't think it was possible but Aradia's eyes were growing wider, until she felt she would be swallowed up in their depths. Rose had no choice but stare back, growing more terrified by the moment, only able to close her mouth and frown very sheepishly.

Just what have you gotten yourself into?

Another silence followed, punctuated by the gentle flickering of the candles in a draft. Their shadows danced across the walls in anticipation.

"Okay... Are you going to listen to me now?" Aradia asked, words measured and careful.

Rose was only able to swallow and then nod slowly.

"Good, because someone needs to put a stop to this."

Aradia shifted slightly atop Rose to get into a more comfortable position, relaxing and pulling back slightly to create a little space so that she could take stock of the girl pinned beneath her.

"You aren't Feferi, Rose. All these clumsy pale solicitations of yours are very unbecoming, assuming the things I've learned about you are true."

What things? Learned how? Rose wanted to ask, but instead she pulled her lips taut into a very Strider-esque horizontal plane.

"I also don't think this is the first time you've tried something like this, but I am going to make sure that it's the last."

Aradia exhaled and looked down at Rose--the look was a mix of both pity and fascination.

"It's time for you to be given a lesson."

The troll girl snapped her fingers and the room was filled the sound of many large, soft objects hitting the floor simultaneously. Rose turned her head to look behind her and saw that all of the cushions from the surrounding couches were now amassed in a large pile at the center of the room. The table and Ouija board had vanished entirely.

"I've learned that time can be used in a lot of different ways. I can skip past the tedious parts of a day, relive a moment over and over, or be in multiple places at the same time if I want. So many wonderful possibilities. It makes being alive that much better," Aradia said.

Rose looked back from the pile and noticed that Aradia was no longer sitting atop her, but stood at her feet. Before Rose could even think to move, Aradia bent down to grab her firmly by the ankles. In one sweeping motion, the Maid pulled Rose off the ground and swung her in a wide circle, only to release her grip and send her soaring through the air. Rose crashed into the cushion pile with a loud 'PAF', which sent several of them tumbling aside.

This situation is so preposterously far past being out of hand.

Rose blinked and tried to sit up, but Aradia vanished and reappeared in the pile a fraction of a second later, sitting atop her once more in the same position--as though she had never left. She took a moment to regard to the girl presently pinned under her before leaning forward, running her hands up Rose's forearms to hold her in place by the wrists.

"Tell me, why are you so fixated on the pale quadrant?" Aradia asked.

Rose began to speak but hesitated, trying to judge if Aradia was asking a rhetorical question. She proceeded cautiously: "As I mentioned earlier, this meteor seems to have transformed into a veritable mecca of pale happenings, and so I th--"

Aradia interrupted by rolling her eyes and blowing a strand of hair out of her face with a "PFFF" of annoyance.

"What part of 'I can be in multiple places at the same time' didn't register in that sassy thinkpan of yours? Of course I know that. I know pretty much all of the things."

"Then am I to take it that you were spying on my conversation with Tavros, too?" Rose responded, using this admission to try connecting a few dots.

"Haha, no. Before I died, Tavros and I were friends. It isn't quite the same now that I'm back, well, a lot of things aren't the same. But he and I still talk, so I learned of your advances."

"I see. That is unfortunate, since Tavros was being very rude, I am not sure why he chose to say the things he said. He did not even apologize to me."

"Hmm. Do you really believe you're not sure why, Rose?"

"What sort of question is that? I don't 'believe', I know exactly what happened and what was said. There are no doubts about this knowledge."

"Tavros wasn't wrong you know. You may think it rude, but he was right about you."

"About calling me a prostitute, you mean?" Rose snapped.

"Not that, no. Just that you're not compatible with pale feelings since you can't even open your own heart," Aradia brought one hand up to trace a fingertip gently along Rose's cheek.

Rose shuddered ever so slightly at the touch. Her brow furrowed and she immediately moved to push Aradia away.

"Alright this has gone far enough. I did not come here to be tossed about like a ragdoll and criticized. I'd like to leave now," Rose insisted.

"I think at one time you may have known how to do it but you forgot," Aradia continued, ignoring the request and still holding Rose down, "Or you could have even made the choice yourself. Maybe that is why the spirits wouldn't talk to you when you tried to play the board game back on your human planet."

The memory resurfacing made Rose grit her teeth and she felt her chest begin to tighten with the first traces of anger. Aradia didn't know her, why was she talking as though she did? She attempted to free herself again, but it was too difficult to move or push Aradia off without the use of her hands. Were all the trolls this strong?

Aradia continued to speak, her voice taking on a deep and almost melodic tone: "You act as though you understand all that lies before you, but your confidence is misplaced. What good is a Seer who cannot even see what matters most?"

"Of course, you would know much better than me after all. Clearly I have no grasp whatsoever on my own abilities, extensive precedent notwithstanding," Rose said, flinging sarcasm like spears and hoping she'd land a hit, "So why don't you tell me what I'm failing to see!"

"Your self," Aradia said, lifting a finger and bringing it down emphatically to poke Rose square in the ribcage.

Rose narrowed her eyes and strained to think of something useful to say in response to the nonsense Aradia was rattling off. But before she could say anything, Aradia leaned forward again, pressing their chests together settling down atop Rose. A sensation of warmth spilled over her and it felt as though she was being wrapped in a blanket just pulled out of the dryer. Comforting, and not too hot. She found it very pleasant, and she wondered why she hadn't taken note of it when she'd touched Aradia before. Aradia slid her arms up Rose's back and grasped her shoulders so she could pull herself closer. The troll girl tilted her head and whispered into Rose's ear, her tone clear and even:

"Do you know who you are?"

In sharp contrast to the rustblood troll's warmth, the words struck Rose hard--as though an icy cold blade had been shoved straight through her chest. Her breath caught in her throat and it took several seconds for her to regain any kind of control. She stared wide-eyed at the ceiling and shivered.

"W-what?" Rose stammered, grappling with the word.

"Do you know who you are?" Aradia repeated.

A rush of terror began to flow through Rose and it felt as though Aradia had just reached inside her and poked at something best left undisturbed.

"You choose to define yourself in contradictory ways, Rose" Aradia continued, wearing a look of both satisfaction and understanding, "Black magic and the occult. Liasions with the Horrorterrors. You shroud yourself in darkness and all things missing in your world, wearing a mask of nothingness under the pretense of knowledge."

"So my interests are feigned, you say? For what purpose do I keep them, then? Irony, like my brother? I think not," Rose narrowed her eyes, wanting desperately to try and extricate herself from Aradia's grip, but fought against the impulse in the interest of not losing her composure further.

"Because it is a game, Rose. One you learned to play when you were very young. A game where you lie and deceive."

"Will you stop it with the personal insults already. I cannot believe what I am hearing here."

"I see you standing in the night, and there are shadows all around you. But one lone figure casts a particularly long shadow. A tall woman in a coat. It is her shadow to which you cling."

"No..."

"These properties you absorb with eagerness, because you feel it necessary. Expected. Acceptable. Praiseworthy." Aradia said, feeling Rose shake beneath her as she emphasized each word.

"No no..."

"And so despite your good intentions, you have only managed to trap yourself in a dark prison of your own design. Bound and shackled by rules that never existed and never will."

"NO NO NO!"

Rose lifted her arms and attempted desperately to smash her hands down upon Aradia's head now that she was no longer pinned down completely. To her surprise and disappointment, all she managed to do was ruffle the troll's wavy hair. Her arms had been drained completely of the will to move and slumped uselessly, sliding over Aradia's head to settle around her neck.

"The truth, Rose, is that no matter how much you attempt to tarnish yourself, there is a radiance that this darkness can't hide. You don't belong in the Void."

"How dare you," Rose struggled to whisper, gritting her teeth.

"Your essence is that of light. I can see it. It radiates deep from within you."

"You know nothing about me."

"It's been this way since the day you were born, Rose. I've watched your entire timeline."

"You're wrong, I don't care what you have seen."

"Why do you run from it so desperately?"

"I am not a coward," Rose hissed back, angry and humiliated at how effortlessly this girl had turned the tables and bested her.

"Why do you deny who you truly are?"

"Because I..." the words caught in Rose's throat, interrupted by a choked sob, and she continued to shake in fear of the truth she tried not to speak. She was flustered, anxious, as though something from deep within her was going to explode. Somehow, she had been backed into a corner and for once she was at a total loss for what to do.

Although she made every attempt to will them to stop, she could feel the warm tears begin to flow steadily down her cheeks. Aradia ran her fingers gently through Rose's hair, an overwhelmingly soothing sensation that drove Rose even closer to the point of losing all control of herself. Without realizing it, her grip tightened as she tried to press herself closer to Aradia in the hope that her warmth would make the shivering stop. She just wanted it to stop already.

"I'm afraid of myself," Rose said in a barely audible voice, words distorted as she continued to cry heavily and hold onto the troll girl.

"It's okay," Aradia whispered, reaching up to press her palm against Rose's cheek, fingers delicately brushing aside the tears that fell.

"I... I spent so much of my life looking up to her, trying to follow in her footsteps."

"You don't have to anymore."

"I played games, trying to outdo her in wit. But it never worked. I had to be more like her, to overcome every challenge."

"The game is finished Rose, you can rest now."

"I pushed away all the parts that weren't necessary, the imperfections. I had to be smart. I had to be strong. But I'm... I'm not..."

"I'm here for you. I know what it's like, being told you're not good enough. Inferior. But none of that matters, all you need to be is you."

"I just..."

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh" Aradia's gentle shooshing seemed to fill the air like a light summer breeze.

Rose's body continued to shake as she sobbed and muttered incoherently, but slowly the tremors began to subside as Aradia continued to deliver shooshpaps in careful succession. She felt herself relax more into the embrace, the words she'd been grasping for now slipped from her mind as she felt a wave of calmness crash into her, sweeping away the hurt and sadness. A tingling sensation ran through her arms as Aradia slipped her hands into Rose's, their fingers intertwined. Why did something so simple feel so amazingly right?

Aradia then moved to nuzzle Rose's cheek, eliciting a deep sigh from the girl who had been struggling and crying only moments before. Aradia smiled to herself as Rose nuzzled back. Satisfied with the unspoken message this tender gesture conveyed, Aradia turned and rested her forehead against Rose's, staring serenely into her eyes. Somehow, they looked very different from before, and Rose was completely at ease gazing back. She felt as though time had slowed while the two of them sat there breathing in unison and gazing at each other--and it probably had slowed, no doubt thanks to certain temporal powers at play.

After what seemed like hours, Aradia rolled off of Rose to lie next to her in the pile. A brief moment of panic struck Rose, she clung to Aradia's robe and said pleadingly, "Don't go. Please."

"I'm not," Aradia replied, stroking Rose's hair reassuringly, "I'll stay with you as long as you like."

"Promise?"

"I promise," Aradia said, wrapping her arms around Rose's waist and closing the distance between them once more.

Rose returned the hug and buried her head in Aradia's shoulder, black hair which smelled faintly of cinnamon fell over her and tickled her face. She had the notion that the world beyond their embrace had ceased to exist and all that remained was their shared warmth. It was her fortress now.

"Aradia, where did you live? Back on Alternia, that is," Rose asked, hoping to satisfy her own curiosity.

"In a hive, like everyone else," Aradia replied, very matter of fact.

"I gathered as much but... was it in the city?"

"Oh. No, I lived pretty far away from everyone, out in the countryside."

"Of course you did," Rose said, shaking her head in defeat, "What a fool I am."

"For thinking you were the natural incumbent, you mean?" Aradia said, giggling lightly.

Rose only dignified the question with a small 'hmph' in response and pressed her face further into Aradia's shoulder.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," Aradia said, giving Rose a small squeeze with her arms.

"How can one feel anything but embarrassment when a stranger seems to know them better than they know themselves?" Rose replied quietly.

"Forgive me, I didn't intend to make you uncomfortable. It's something that us Time players start to overlook after managing thousands of loops and other temporal shenanigans."

"What do you mean?"

"Discontinuity," Aradia sighed, "When you move backwards in time, it becomes possible to have known someone before you've technically even met them."

"I see. Are you saying that we once met in a doomed timeline, then?"

"No, it's just an example of the effect it has. I can safely say the first time I met you was the day we both set foot on this meteor."

"Okay... Then how do you know so much about me?"

"Earlier, when I said I'd watched your timeline," Aradia began, "That wasn't really the right way of putting it. I was still a robot then, so I just [downloaded](http://cdn.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/02607.gif) all of it."

"From your troll chat program..." Rose said slowly as the realization sank in.

I never even stood a chance against her.

"So tell me," Aradia said, sensing that a shift of focus was needed, "What did you end up asking the spirits earlier?"

Feeling her cheeks redden further with embarrassment, Rose admitted quietly, "I asked whether everyone was wrong about me."

"How interesting..."

"Why? What did the message actually say? You never translated it for me."

Aradia pulled Rose a bit closer and whispered softly in her ear, "Look Into The Mirror."

Rose smiled at the answer and shifted slightly, snuggling comfortably against the contours of Aradia's body. In response, Aradia ran the tips of her fingers gently up and down Rose's back in aimless patterns. Rose felt as though she was dissolving, like snow under the sun's warmth. Her eyelids grew heavy and her consciousness began to drift, but just before slipping away completely she whispered back: "Thank you."

Aradia watched as Rose slept peacefully in her arms, her expression calm and carefree. She laid there for a while, basking in the girl's pale afterglow. But in the lines of Rose's face, she began to recognize something old and familiar. She remembered the very same look that had been worn by a tired boy, cheeks painted with dried yellow tears. Something that had been her responsibility, but was no longer.

You can't.

The realization hit her with the force of an eighteen-wheeled device, and a great feeling of remorse tore through her heart. Her chest became tight and the hug now felt oppressive. She struggled to push away the memories that came surging back. The same boy, floating in the night sky. Searing flashes of red and blue light. Aradia felt a hot sensation at the edges of her eyes that made her blink, jolting her out of her reverie.

You can't do this. Not again.

Aradia sat up and pulled free from Rose, letting the girl settle easily back into the pile and taking care not to disturb her rest. She stood up from the pile and took a few steps backwards, hands balled tightly into fists as she willed herself to walk away. Before long, she was at the entrance to the theater, pushing aside the curtains to step outside. She stopped and pivoted, reaching up to clutch at the curtains, hands trembling as she pulled on the velvety material that strained against her grip. She stood there silently, already regretting what she knew she had to do.

You care too much and then you start wishing you never cared again.

Aradia gritted her teeth and let her head drop, her chest heaved as she let out one deep, loud sob that echoed through the corridor. But she forced herself to quickly regain her composure, letting go of the curtains and standing up straight. She stared forward resolutely and raised her hands, bringing her thumbs and fingertips together to form a circle.

A red glow began to emanate from her hands and soon spread outward. Time slowed. It stopped.

And then it rewound.

Aradia felt the familiar pull at her back as the hours slipped by her. She counted every tick and tock, matching the rhythm of her heartbeat until just the right moment and...

She exhaled, looking up at the curtains again, ignoring the temptation to brush them aside and gaze into the room she knew was completely empty now. From her sylladex, she withdrew a small sign and affixed it to the curtains. A final gesture to redirect the flow of the timeline:

  
Though she may have been made of time, she knew it was not something she should waste.

Aradia turned and walked silently down the hallway, leaving a trail of sparkling red dust that faded into the darkness.


	2. Maid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent a long time trying to decide whether I would continue this, but I figured it wouldn't be fair to leave everyone hanging after the way the last chapter ended. So here's a whole bunch of words for you to read. I also changed the title of the story because the old one was too wordy. The new one is short for "[ _Memento mori_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_mori)."
> 
> You probably shouldn't read this chapter if you aren't emotionally grounded right now--I don't want anyone being sent to the emergency room because of blunt force trauma to the feels. That said, I hope you enjoy and that this will bring some closure.

 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: #time_travel, #hot_beverages, #snarky_broads, #blood, #graphic_imagery, #telekinesis, #PTSD, #death

==> Be Aradia

Another day found the inhabitants of the meteor convening for breakfast. There was no way of telling whether it was actually day or night in the inky void they were traveling through, so the system had been put in place and a sense of normalcy was achieved. Lively chatter and various smells of tasty things filled the room.

Aradia sat alone at a table in one corner, watching. Waiting. There were always new things to be learned and she knew better than anyone the importance of not missing a beat. She knew that it could mean the difference between life and death. Even though there really was no imminent danger upon the meteor, old habits are hard to let go of after all. The comfort found in repetition can often become addictive, and addiction is a powerful thing.

Calmly munching on a piece of grubloaf toast, Aradia took note of a certain social line that was starting to blur. The rift between the trolls and humans had once been so palpable you could probably bounce a boondollar off it, but it now seemed to be dissolving rapidly. Sollux and Jade conversed eagerly at one table. Gamzee and Tavros joined Dave for an impromptu poetry slam at another. Feferi was glubbing at John and Kanaya about who even knows what.

Her gaze swept across the room and she smiled at what she witnessed, but stopped once someone else appeared in the doorway. Moving with poise and purpose, Rose stepped in. For the briefest of instants, her eyes found Aradia's and she was met with a look of recognition.

Rose's face brightened for 0.65 seconds and then shifted to a more subtle look that hinted at sadness as she looked away and continued moving towards the nutrition block to gather her own provisions. Aradia felt her cheeks begin to tingle faintly...a very mild sting, almost as though she'd been slapped.

Interesting.

Another bite of toast and more pondering. So many things to ponder, and she had all the time she could have possibly wanted to do just that. If the mood had struck her, she might have used her powers to pause everything in this scene to leisurely examine all the details for another hour. As she watched the seemingly ordinary sequence of morning events unfold, she felt reassured that she had made the right move by changing the outcome of last night's meeting. Did she feel remorse for doing something like this? Of course. She always did, even after the hundreds of sweeps she'd lived out during the brief span of their session. All of that stuff came along with her, but she had learned how to manage it. 

Everything's in order.

Turning her thoughts away from the past, she dialed back in on the present and continued to enjoy her toast. Simple as it was, it had been her favorite back on Alternia, and she was quite convinced she'd happily be able to eat it every day for the rest of her days now that she had a body to nourish once more. Dying and coming alive again had an odd way of making you appreciate simple things like that, she realized.

Everyone eventually finished their meals and began filtering out of the common room to do whatever struck their fancy for the morning. Karkat was hard at work already, shouting about the activity schedule and fervently waving copies of it in people's faces as they went. Aradia said a silent prayer in thanks to the toast gods for such a fine meal, stretched her wings, and fluttered out of the room.

As she was about to turn a corner, she felt a small tug at her sleeve that made her stop. Floating a few inches above the ground, Aradia glanced over her shoulder and saw that the hand attached to her sleeve was attached to a familiar blonde-haired girl. Rose locked eyes with her again, saying nothing. The implications of Rose's solemn look made Aradia's stomach sink instantly and she understood exactly what it meant.

She had failed.

Feet alighting on the ground, she faced Rose and hoped her instincts would be proven wrong once the Seer spoke.

"You left..." Rose said, briefly looking down at the sleeve she held onto before dropping her hand back at her side.

How?

The lone thought rang through Aradia's mind like the toll of a new hour, its echoes forming questions upon questions. Ripples of scenarios and possibilities. She had been so certain the change had been set, but now she was overwhelmed by the need to understand how it had gone wrong. Many more things to ponder now, but in this particular moment she realized had a role to play. The gears were turning once more.

"What do you mean?" Aradia replied with a tilt of her head, feigning ignorance.

"Last night. Don't you remember?"

Employing her favored tactic when she had nothing good to say, Aradia kept quiet, stared, and smiled. Rose looked troubled and didn't know what to make of this refusal to answer, but she got the sense that she was somehow close to crossing the wrong line.

"Did you need something else?" Aradia asked at just the right moment, "I was heading to my block for some morning ablutions."

"Well yes, actually..." Rose said, pulled out of her thoughts by the sudden break in silence, "Kanaya told me she'd found some new books in the archives the other day, some of which appear to be historical collections of spiritual folklore. I wondered if perhaps you might be interested in coming to take a look at them with me this evening?"

"Yes, that sounds wonderful!" Aradia nodded enthusiastically, "I will see you then."

"But I didn't say when."

"I will know," Aradia said with a sly look, reaching up to tap the side of her nose twice.

_Tick. Tock._

She gave Rose a quick wave, then lifted into the air with a swift stroke of her wings and sailed off into another adjacent hallway. Picking up more and more speed, she charged forward and suddenly disappeared in a brilliant red flash.

_10 hours 8 minutes 16 seconds 13 milliseconds earlier_

Aradia glided down and skidded to a halt before reaching a corner nearly identical to the one she had just turned. She leaned her head past the edge cautiously and peered at the velvet curtains, noting the familiar sign that she'd hung there a minute ago. A very faint trail of sparkling red dust still hung in the air from her exit, but had mostly dissipated by now.

_45 seconds 58 milliseconds later_

She watched as her past self padded down the hallway carrying the wooden mask and black cloak, humming as she came to stop in front of the doorway and then pausing to examine the sign. The former-Aradia tilted her head sideways, then pulled the sign down and tossed it into her sylladex.

Agh, no! Stupid stupid dumb!

Aradia didn't like to get into arguments with herself but it looked like this situation was going to need an extra bit of grubgrease to set it right. Clapping her hands together, she watched as past-her froze in place, then she quickly scooted down the hall and slid through the curtains. Aradia huffed once she was inside the room and put on her best stern disapproving look to guarantee the right effect before clapping again to resume things.

_2 seconds 9 milliseconds later._

Aradia stood face to face with herself after she'd stepped into the theater room. Past Aradia didn't look particularly alarmed, considering that she was already more than used to running into herself, even if it wasn't really much of a regular occurrence anymore.

"Hello!" the past-one said with a nod.

"Did we forget how to read?" Aradia said, crossing her arms.

"The sign? Oh, then that was from you. Which is to say me."

"Correct. Let's skip the obvious. Why did you ignore it?"

"Well. I don't know why, really. I just had a feeling..."

Aradia's only response was a frown. She didn't like to frown either and rarely did it, but she had lost patience with herself 45 milliseconds after her first absentminded reply. She took a moment to weigh her options and arrived at one she felt best suited to the situation.

"Category Three," Aradia said firmly, staring down her former self, whose eyes widened in response to the remark that was totally a thing anybody would understand immediately.

The written sign may have been taken lightly, but the magnitude of the Temporal Override she had just issued herself was not. She'd devised this code system out of necessity for managing trans-timeline events as a way to classify priority of actions among the coordinated efforts of her many selves. Category One meant moderate danger to self or others. Category Four was serious risk of death or doomed timeline. She had only used a Category Five twice during their session and the memories of those ones still made her shudder violently.

Clutching the robe and mask and trying not to linger in disappointment, her past-self gave a solemn nod and backed out of the room silently, vanishing through the curtains. Presumably to go off somewhere and do anything other than what she'd just been about to do.

Satisfied with this corrective nudge, Aradia pressed her palms together and then thrust one arm towards the ceiling, the other towards the floor, and moved them slowly in a circle around her until their positions were reversed. Her fingertips traced red glowing trails through the air, arms leaving a ghostly afterimage at each hour mark on the dial, and then another flash ignited as she clapped her hands together and vanished.

_9 hours 50 minutes 16 seconds 13 milliseconds later_

Aradia sat atop one of the ventilation tubes by the ceiling in the common room and kicked her legs back and forth, looking down upon the breakfast-rush, fighting the craving for toast as she watched herself munching contently; savoring the memory as it unfolded before her again. Mmmm, crispy and warm.

_5 minutes 33 seconds 2 milliseconds later_

Rose stepped into the room, same as before, and glanced over. At just the right moment Aradia leaned forward to watch the familiar motions and then snapped her fingers once.

She slid off the tube and descended, landing amidst the now frozen inhabitants of the room, then sauntered up to stand before the human girl. Aradia peered carefully at Rose's expression once more and again recognized that same wistful look from before. Nothing had changed.

A frustrated groan rose from her throat as she stormed across the room, weaving past Kanaya and ducking under one of Karkat's outstretched arms. Aradia marched right up to the happy toast-eating fool of a troll and struck her past self with a fierce backhand straight across the face, then reeled it around for another open-palmed strike to even things out.

_Tick tock._

Aradia's hands were balled into fists as she walked briskly out of the common room and down the hallway again. She was growing angrier by the second but she needed to stay focused and think. It occurred to her that all of these shenanigans had been much easier to handle when she was only an apathetic ghost living inside a robot.

The realization was also sinking in that she might be facing a specific phenomenon that she did not particularly enjoy having to deal with. It was a thing that made her job immensely more difficult.

A temporal inevitability only tended to arise in one of three instances, each of which she carefully considered while she walked.

Doomed timelines most commonly gave rise to an inevitability, but none of the trademark signs of doom had been present so far. Next, it would mean there was interference from a time-traveler. The thought of a future-self with unknown motives canceling out each of her moves in a twisted game of chess to keep her locked in stalemate was unappealing at best, deeply disconcerting at worst. Lastly, inevitabilities were a sign of the Alpha timeline performing a necessary self-correction to stay on course. Given the way things were going, she reluctantly acknowledged that the latter two were the likeliest.

Grinding herself down to nothing against a temporal inevitability was lowest on the list of ways Aradia enjoyed passing her time. She recalled the early stages of their session where she had once spent a whole sweep in actual time trying to fight her first inevitability before ultimately abandoning that timeline altogether. It had been a devastating lesson for her to learn, but it was the kind that she'd come to hold a grave respect for since the knowledge she gained proved instrumental to their success.

She knew better by now than to cast herself into an infinite chain of futile loops when she came up against this kind of thing. She knew better but...

Well...

A corner of her mouth twitched, her fingers moved reflexively.

Better go back and try once more to make sure. Just to double-check.

Addiction, it seems, is still a powerful thing.

  


* * *

  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 14:35 --

TT: So I want to offer you an apology. It has been delicately prepared and I humbly present it to you upon an exquisite golden platter. Also I am bowing, profusely.  
GA: My Goodness  
GA: What Has Brought This On  
TT: I was terribly rude to you the last time we spoke and I've come to the realization that it may have been quite unwarranted. You were just trying to help me, but in my ignorance I took it as an insult.  
GA: You Are Right That It Was Not My Intent To Insult You  
GA: And I Felt Bad For Making You Upset  
GA: But You Sound Much Calmer Now Which Is Good  
TT: Yes, I dare say my mood has improved significantly as of late.  
GA: Very Interesting  
GA: Would There Happen To Be Any Particular Reason For Such A Change  
TT: Perhaps. In a way, I finally came upon the solution to a problem that had been troubling me for some time.  
GA: Well Then  
GA: I Am Happy That You Have Found What You Were Looking For  
GA: However I Must Caution You Against Pursuing A Relationship With Aradia

* * *

Rose stared at the words her screen and frowned deeply. She wondered how she always managed to be left vehemently fondling the short end of the knowledge stick these days. She reached across her bed and grabbed a pillow, burying her face in it and unleashing a chain of choice profanities.

* * *

TT: Can I ask what tipped you off that it was Megido?  
GA: Simple Process Of Elimination  
GA: You Are Not Brazen Enough For A Pale Fling With Someone Elses Moirail  
GA: And The Remaining Pairing Options Were A Bit Limited  
TT: Your logic is impeccable as always.  
TT: But why would you want to warn me like this? Is there something I should know about her past?  
GA: It Might Be Related To Her Past As You Say  
GA: But It Is Not My Place To Tell You These Things  
GA: As It Would Be Socially Inappropriate  
TT: Indeed.  
GA: Therefore I Should Speak No More Of It  
TT: You are right.  
GA: It Would Be Most Egregious  
TT: Appaling.  
GA: I Could Never Allow Myself To  
TT: We obviously need to cease this line of conversation at once to avoid such a grave transgression.  
GA: That Would Be The Next Sensible Action  
GA: So Instead  
GA: I Would Like To Tell You About Some Pale Matters Completely Unrelated To The Prior Topic In Any Way  
TT: You have my undivided attention.  
GA: By Now I Am Sure You Understand The Vital Role That Moirallegiance Plays In Maintaining Societal Stability  
TT: Yes. I can only imagine having a bunch of unpacified trolls running around would not be beneficial for upholding any semblance of order.  
GA: Correct  
GA: Therefore A Pale Union Between Trolls Is Highly Respected And Protected  
GA: However Trolls Have Been Known To Take The Lives Of Others Moirails  
GA: The Death Of A Moirail Is A Truly Devastating Experience No Matter The Circumstance  
GA: Those Who Commit Moirailicide Are Regarded As Morally Bankrupt Due To The High Degree of Emotional Havoc Wrought By The Act  
TT: Interesting. Could such a sudden and traumatic loss be enough to cause an outright aversion to pale activities?  
GA: The Possibility Is Very Real  
GA: From My Understanding It Is Painful Enough That I Would Never Wish It Upon Anyone  
TT: Hmm. I see.  
GA: I Hope That You Have Found This Completely Unrelated Exposition Useful  
TT: Very much so. I might even say your explanation has been quite... illuminating.  
GA: Rose That Is Terrible Even By Your Human Pun Standards  
TT: Then consider yourself spared for now. Something has occurred to me and I think I need to go.  
GA: Go Where  
TT: To fulfill a duty I wasn't given time to before. Thank you again, Kanaya  
GA: I Am Happy To Have Helped But Please Be Careful Rose

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] \--

* * *

  


Rose had formulated a hypothesis, but like any hypothesis its value would be determined by testing whether it held water. Her first task would be simple--or so she thought. She needed to find Aradia and talk with her.

The option of waiting until their appointment tonight didn't appeal to Rose in the slightest, not to mention that she wasn't entirely convinced Aradia would actually turn up. There were just too many questions she needed answered and after the way things had been left yesterday, she was running low on patience right now.

She wandered the meteor aimlessly at first, trying to think of the best way to locate someone she only knew in a rather limited capacity. Checking obvious places like her respite block and the common room were thrown off the table faster than any object challenging a feline's sovereignty of said horizontal plane. Aradia wasn't logged into Trollian and nobody Rose asked had seen her all day. The facility on the meteor was vast, its sprawling network of corridors and rooms were still a trial to navigate. Despite their combined efforts, the humans and trolls hadn't yet succeeded in creating a full map.

Rose unfortunately wasn't a Seer of Mind, and although the thought occurred to her to consult with Terezi for the best methodology to locate the missing Maid, she felt like she had already sought enough outside guidance by talking to Kanaya. This was something she needed to sort out by herself.

So even though she didn't have a lot to work with, Rose decided to make the most of what little she had. She focused carefully and reached out into that intangible realm where things like probability and its influence on varying outcomes of situations resided. Since she was looking for something obviously missing, she focused on patterns and signs of what wasn't there. Surprisingly, a faint trail began to take shape. A disjointed but strangely interrelated series of events marked by one common theme: a lack of success. In other words, failure.

Considering how Aradia reacted to Rose's questions at breakfast, this made her frown as yet another idea emerged. It appeared as though the rust maid was trying to do something over and over, but it wasn't working. This stubborn persistence was the unmistakable mark of a time player--she knew it too well after their session.

Rose tried not to dwell too much on what exactly Aradia might be trying to alter, she wouldn't make any progress by letting herself get discouraged. Since she didn't have the luxury of directly locating someone who evidently didn't want to be found, instead she would just have to figure out the most fortuitous place to position herself and let things happen from there.

A short time later, her powers led her to one of the many unremarkable corridors that connected the web of larger rooms in the facility. There, she leaned casually against a wall and raised one leg out slightly, angling her foot just so. She closed her eyes and waited.

Rose's estimation proved to be as accurate as usual, and soon something struck her foot. It was followed by the sound of a person gracelessly falling to the ground and landing with a grunt of frustration. Rose opened one eye and took a sly glance at Aradia, who was now splayed out face-down on the floor. She allowed herself a small, satisfied smirk and tried not to feel too bad about tripping the poor girl.

Rose walked over and crouched down next to Aradia just as she was starting to pick herself up. The victim of her ambush gave her a dazed stare at first until recognition set in and a look of fear flashed across her face. She looked tired and kind of disheveled, there were noticeable bags under her eyes that definitely hadn't been there this morning.

"I'm sorry I had to do that," Rose began, "But I've been having trouble fi--"

She was cut short as Aradia made a hasty motion with her hands and then instantly disappeared.

Well that could have gone considerably better.

Rose clicked her tongue in mild annoyance. The kneejerk reaction she'd just witnessed did tell her one thing for certain: she was actively being avoided.

While this notion saddened her, it also made her search operation a bit easier to carry out. Rose spent the next couple of hours combing through the various empty rooms and corridors. She did try to steer clear of the stairways when possible, as she had been warned about those. Rose succeeded in catching the elusive troll again several more times, and each time she was treated to the same disappearing act. Aradia always seemed to be rushing towards something, or perhaps away from it. Curious. 

It became obvious that these encounters would continue to be fruitless so long as Aradia had time on her side, and Rose was fairly certain that would not stop being a thing at any point in the foreseeable future.

She ran her hand along the paneling of the walls as she walked down another hallway, feeling the texture of the brushed steel and the small indentations that divided each one. Yet another pattern that seemed to be repeating itself endlessly.

Rose stopped and let her hand drop to her side, finally realizing what she needed to do. Whenever a certain method wasn't working, Rose knew that the most simple and elegant solution just needed an approach that was a little... turnways.

  


* * *

 

==> Be Aradia again

A flash of red light illuminated a dark hallway in a long forgotten corner of the meteor.

Shoes screeched across the metal floor, heels digging in as their wearer skidded to a clumsy halt and struggled to keep herself from toppling over.

Forcing out ragged breaths, Aradia extended one arm to press her palm against the wall for support and took stock of the situation. She had such high hopes for the last loop, at least until sixteen copies of herself had all arrived in the same place at once. The frenzy that immediately broke out involved a lot of arm-flailing, hair-pulling, a grubloaf tossed through the air for some reason, and colorful language that would have impressed even Karkat. It was all very untidy.

Aradia knew she could fix it though. Had to fix it.

I'll just need to go back and do it again.

And again.

And again. Again again again.

AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN.

A deep growl echoed through the hall. She realized it had been her voice, saw her arms swinging in blind fury as the air crackled with psionic energy and several deep gashes were carved into the surface of the wall. She continued to scream and lash out until she felt like her soundpusher would break.

The next thing she knew, she was staring at both her hands, holding them up as they trembled. Her eyes widened in shock as she snapped out of whatever state she'd just entered--frightened by her sudden loss of control. She knew this wasn't right. Knew that this wasn't like her.

Aradia slumped against the wall, sliding to the floor and exhaling deeply. She closed her eyes and tilted her head to the side, knocking it on the metal paneling in frustration.

The initial rush of putting her plans into motion had long since worn off, considering she'd now wasted several days already. She was tired and ached all the way down to the core of her rigid calcified inner structure. It was a dull, pervasive feeling of emptiness. A feeling that she'd grown more familiar with after every loop she cycled through when they'd played the game. It had been much easier to ignore since it wasn't too different from how she always felt back then, but now... Now the memories were resurfacing.

Nobody is dying here though. We're safe. Right...?

Her breaths became shallow. Images of their repeated undoings cycled through her mind once more. Rivers of blood. Her friends' corpses littering the battlefield. The sickening gurgle of a dying breath. Sinewy flesh torn from its rightful place. Screams of hate, pity, desperation all blurred together. Voices of the damned growing louder. Over and over, a thousand times and it still wasn't enough. The unclean filth that polluted their destiny was still there. No room for mistakes, any event left unchecked would send the timeline to ruin. It was all connected, and she had to fix it. What else was she good for otherwise?

Aradia shivered, her eyes unfocused as she stared blankly ahead. Her fingers raked their way through her tangled hair as she pressed her palms against the sides of her head.

I have to fix it.

But...

I don't think I can.

  


* * *

 

Rose sat in her room, perched comfortably on a pile of velvety purple cushions with gold tassels, an edifice that she deemed acceptably substantial in size. The room was dimly lit by a handful of candles she'd set atop several alchemized copies of turtle consort skulls placed here and there. Steam wafted from the teacup she held, which she blew upon softly before taking a long, appreciative sip. Earl Grey still tasted as magnificent as ever, and she was grateful her tea collection had survived all the collateral damage her house had incurred upon entry to the game.

A tray that held the rest of the tea set was placed atop a small table next to the pile, artfully arranged for the guest she was expecting. Rose was confident that this new tactic she'd selected would not leave her waiting long.

As luck would have it, the door to her room soon slid open and a familiar figure was silhouetted by the light that poured in from the hallway. A strange tension filled the air as Aradia stood there for a few seconds before hesitantly stepping past the threshold. Rose remained silent and continued to calmly sip her tea while averting her gaze, so as not to startle her visitor.

After a minute, Aradia slowly began to approach the pile. Rose caught a better glimpse of her in the low light as she drew closer--she looked visibly fatigued. The girl's expression was grim, her hair fell about her shoulders in more of a mess than usual, and her movements were noticeably strained. Before long, the cushions next to Rose shifted as Aradia lowered herself and sank into the pile. A quick sideways glance revealed the ram-horned girl to be staring absently at the floor. The pair sat in silence for a while until Rose felt it was the right moment to speak up.

"I see that you have been rather busy," she said from behind her cup after taking another sip. Aradia gave a slow nod in response.

"Would you care for some tea?" Rose asked, not missing a beat.

"What?" Aradia asked, still refraining from looking in Rose's direction.

"It's an earth beverage made from dried plant leaves. Here."

Before Aradia could process this, Rose had already filled a cup from the teapot and mixed in a bit of sugar. She passed the cup to the confused troll girl, gently taking her hands and wrapping them around the cup to make sure she had a proper grip on it. Rose's hands covered Aradia's for a moment, she briefly made eye contact before looking away and withdrawing her hands. Aradia stared at the cup quizzically, not quite sure what to even make of the situation. She lifted the cup closer to sniff at it first before slowly bringing it to her lips and taking a small sip. Aradia's expression softened just the slightest bit after that, which made Rose smile on the inside. She was savvy enough to recognize when someone had tried something new and enjoyed it.

"It was nice of you to come," Rose said.

"I came here because I had to," Aradia looked up from her cup and spoke quietly, her voice hoarse, "It's an inevitability, the timeline isn't allowing for any other outcomes."

"And I gather you've spent the better part of the day finding that out the hard way..." Rose mused.

"Four." Aradia said, her tone flat.

"Pardon me?"

"Four days' actual time," Aradia continued to sip the tea, and Rose noticed a small tremble in her hand as she did so.

"Yes, of course." Rose acknowledged, carefully masking her surprise at just how much time travel this girl had already indulged in.

A silence fell as Rose considered her next move, Aradia gazed into the teacup that was now nearly empty--as though the mysterious new liquid was a puzzle and she'd been tasked with unlocking its secrets.

"Your hair's gotten quite tangled." Rose volunteered.

"Huh? Oh, I guess so," came the impassive reply.

"Allow me to brush it for you."

Rose continued to set the pace, not giving Aradia a chance to get a word in edgewise. In her evidently dazed state, the troll girl couldn't really protest as Rose retrieved a lavender hairbrush from her sylladex, then maneuvered to sit behind her. In doing so, Rose extended her legs on either side of Aradia and scooted right up to her back to get a better look at the unruly mane before setting to work. Rose pulled the brush along in even strokes, easing out the knots with gentle precision, eliciting a small shiver from Aradia.

"I must confess that it bothered me how much you already knew about me, and probably my other friends too, without us ever having even met," Rose said as she carefully weaved her hands through Aradia's hair and continued brushing, "But then I remembered there was something you wouldn't have had access to. Something that only two of us remember.”

Rose leaned over to tuck a few stray hairs behind Aradia's ear and whispered, "A doomed timeline."

"Courtesy of the meddling done by one of your compatriots, we spent four months living in it."

"So? There are countless doomed timelines," Aradia said, sounding utterly disinterested, "Are you looking for an apology or something?"

"No, it actually wound up being helpful for our session's progress anyway. That's not why I'm sharing this story with you."

"Time may not be my given domain of expertise," Rose said, pausing to tug at a persistent knot, "But I had the chance to work very closely with another player who could say it is; even though he thinks admitting such a thing would be presumptuous."

“You see, during those four months I was forced to watch my brother slowly unravel. Like a ball of yarn. Each day that passed took more out of him until I knew there would soon be nothing left. The bags under his eyes grew deep enough that not even his most favored glasses could hide them. He wouldn't sleep. He refused to engage in any plan or take any form of action that he considered as ‘giving up’. He would never ask for my help though, never wanted to let me in and tell me what was going through his mind. Just kept hurling himself through loop after unsuccessful loop, running away from the real solution all along.”

"And so in light of such experiences, I happen to be quite adept at recognizing what this phenomenon looks like when I see it transpiring right before me," Rose said as she set the brush aside, wrapping her arms around Aradia's waist and leaning into her back, "But in this case, I will not be waiting four months to do something about it."

Aradia immediately tensed up from the close contact and tried to pull away. All she managed to do, though, was sit up halfway before getting pulled back down and falling on top of Rose. A worried look crossed her face as she stared at the human girl beneath her, who fired back a half-smirk in response.

"I don't really understand why you're telling me this, but I'm fine. I... I need to go now." Aradia stuttered.

"Go? To do what? Waste more of your time trying to cancel out yesterday's events? I think not." Rose said sternly, her expression serious as she shook her head.

Rose slid her arms up Aradia's back and grabbed her shoulders, using it as leverage to pull them closer together just as Aradia had done to her. The boldness Aradia had displayed during their first meeting was nowhere to be seen now, she only shook nervously and frowned in response.

"I'm not angry at you for leaving, so don't worry about that," Rose said resassuringly, "As disappointing as that was, it allowed me to gain a better understanding of what happened now."

"Let me go, Rose." Aradia said more insistently.

"There was a certain question I asked that you avoided answering, and I assumed maybe you were just being coy in doing so. But I'd like to ask again: Have you ever had a moirail before?"

Aradia went completely rigid when Rose's words fell upon her. Her breath caught in her throat and she was dead silent. This was the only answer Rose needed.

"You have."

"It's none of your business," Aradia said through gritted teeth, trying again to pull away from Rose and break free of the human girl's clutches.

"Even though you think my 'clumsy advances' seem to imply otherwise, I do have a significant appreciation for the cultural significance of a pale union. I can only imagine how hard it must be when one loses their moirail."

Aradia inhaled sharply and her eyes went wide with fear. She began to struggle more forcefully. Small sparks flickered in the air and Rose felt as though there was an invisible force starting to press down on her.

"It's rather odd that for someone who makes a hobby of digging up old relics, you're so adamant on keeping this particular one buried, Aradia."

"Let. me. go."

Some of the objects on Rose's shelves began to shake. Loose papers from her notebooks fluttered around. A roaring sound of unknown origin filled the air and was growing louder. Rose observed this calmly and continued to hold Aradia tightly in her arms, even as larger things started to fly across the room.

"Tell me how it felt when your moirail died."

"Shut up."

"Were you lonely?"

"This isn't right."

"Did it feel like your heart had been ripped out of your chest?"

The unseen force grew more intense with each word she spoke, to the point where Rose soon felt as though she were slowly being crushed from all directions. Several cuts began to spread across her skin, blood flowing freely from the torn flesh and drifting into the air with the rest of the debris in the storm that now swirled above them. Rose winced, but forced herself to ignore the pain and continue on.

"I shouldn't be here."

"You're exactly where you need to be."

"I have to go back."

"Let the past go, Aradia."

"I've failed and I have to fix it!"

"It's okay, you can live in the present now."

"STOP TALKING AND JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Aradia screamed violently and burst free of Rose's grip, unleashing her agony in a torrent of psionic energy that ripped the very air molecules apart and generated a roar like static on an old television. Her eyes were empty. She raised her arm above her head, lifting Rose into the air as she did. In one swift motion, Aradia swung her arm at the nearest wall, hurtling the human girl toward it.

There was a gut-wrenching crack--the sound of bone snapping. Metal deforming under impact, mixed with the wetness of blood. Something fell to the floor loudly, and Aradia's vision went black as she fainted from overexertion.

  


* * *

...

............

......................

Aradia slipped back into consciousness, glancing around the room in a daze as she sat up and held a hand to her forehead. It was dark, all the candles had been blown out or knocked over. The floor was completely covered in debris. Her eyes eventually fell upon a form next to the wall.

"No..." she breathed quietly.

On her hands and knees, she crawled over towards Rose, who lay there motionless.

"Oh please no."

The blood pooling around her soaked through Aradia's garb, darkening its crimson hue.

"Rose... no... I didn't mean to..."

Aradia's hands trembled as she leaned over to pull the girl into her lap. Rose's head fell limply to the side, her eyes closed and expression blank. She looked even more pallid than usual, if such a thing were possible.

"Rose," Aradia pleaded weakly, choking back a sob while brushing aside some of the golden hair that had fallen across her face. 

She used her sleeve to wipe away some of the blood from the cuts on Rose's face, a gesture that proved to be pointless as her own tears started spattering onto the girl's cheeks. 

She was...crying?

Aradia's body shook as she sobbed loudly and held onto the lifeless girl. Her vision blurred from the tears.

"Don't go, Rose," she said in a broken voice, lowering her head and burying her face against Rose's chest, "I don't want to be alone..."

Aradia continued to cry and mutter incoherently, she wasn't sure for how long--she'd stopped counting the seconds and hadn't even realized it.

Suddenly, something out of the corner of her eye began to shimmer faintly. A bright, iridescent glow soon filled the room and enveloped Rose's form completely. The blood, taking on the same radiant coloring, floated into the air and slowly evaporated. 

And then she breathed.

Rose coughed and took one long, gasping breath, filling her lungs with air and her body with life once again. Aradia stared in shock, stopping mid-sob as the light soon began to fade and Rose lay still for another moment before slowly opening her eyes.

"I'm very moved... by this sincere display of yours," Rose said dryly, "But you seem to have forgotten an important detail here."

Rose lifted one hand and tapped at the yellow sun emblem on the front of her God Tier robe. Aradia's lip quivered and she sniffled as Rose reached up to stroke her cheek gently. Aradia leaned into the touch, rubbing her cheek against Rose's palm and nodding slowly.

Once she was confident that she was fully intact again, Rose sat up and lifted herself off the floor. She extended a hand to Aradia, who looked at it apprehensively before taking it and allowing herself to be pulled up. Rose led Aradia back over to the pile and slowly guided her into the soft mass of pillows. Aradia let out a deep sigh as Rose lay down atop her, her breath still hitching in her throat as she cried. Rose ran her fingers through Aradia's hair, which was now a lot less tangled thanks to her prior efforts, and she felt Aradia's arms encircle her to pull her into a tight hug. They lay like this for some time, until Aradia had stopped trembling and calmed down enough to speak, her voice still wavering slightly:

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Rose. I'm not sure what I would have done if you hadn't been..."

More tears pooled at the edges of Aradia's eyes and she choked up again. Rose stroked her cheek and issued a soft, drawn-out shoosh.

"It's okay," Rose said, "I'm familiar with the inherent physical risk of engaging in pale activities. But I will say you surprised me, I thought trolls lower on the hemospectrum were less violent."

"We are. Or at least I am. I don't like violence, I think it's awful," Aradia said with a frown, "What I did though... I couldn't control myself."

"It was the time travel, wasn't it?" Rose asked, nodding in comprehension, "You looked as though were carrying an increasing burden of stress each time I managed to catch you."

"I haven't used my powers much since the end of our session," Aradia said, lowering her gaze as she searched to find the right words, "After last night, I thought I would just make one little adjustment. But it snowballed. I kept going back and it got worse and worse each time."

Rose felt Aradia begin to shake again as she continued talking, "I couldn't change it. All it did was make me remember the thousands of times I had failed in the past. I had to watch everyone die so many times Rose. Over and over and over. I inherited all the knowledge from doomed versions of myself in other timelines after they were destroyed. An endless cycle of torment. It was horrific."

"And nobody even cared," Aradia whispered, "They were supposed to be my friends, but they barely seemed to notice I was there. I was still just the dead girl to them, even when we won. They had no idea how much I suffered for them, playing the role I had to. Not one of them ever asked. I feel so selfish and stupid saying this but I just.... All I wanted was for someone to actually care."

"It's not selfish," Rose replied, moving her hand to the back of Aradia's neck and rubbing lightly, "You have every right to want it. They are fools for not recognizing your bravery and tenacity. However, if my memory serves correctly, as it always does, you were also the one who seemed to be running away and denying yourself the chance."

The truth of those words made Aradia flinch, and she let out a sigh of exhaustion when she realized what she had to say next.

"About what you said earlier. It wasn't my moirail who was killed," she paused to take a breath before continuing, "It was me."

This admission made Rose raise an eyebrow. It certainly wasn't the conclusion she'd drawn from Kanaya's obtuse explanation.

"Before our session, I was caught up in an old feud on Alternia. Vriska wanted revenge for something I'd done, so she manipulated Sollux. Used him to make me pay."

"I died and I spent the rest of my time on our planet as a ghost. Alone. And I guess that I was okay with it back then. But when I came back to life, all the old memories came back with me and they still weren't any less painful. The damage was done and there wasn't any way to get back what I'd lost. I was afraid of..."

"Of losing someone like that again," Rose finished the sentence for her, "And so you avoided the pale quadrant entirely."

"I really am sorry, Rose. It was unfair to you--what I did, and then tried to undo. I got caught up in the moment and then I guess I kind of panicked afterwards."

"I understand that can happen to even the best of us," Rose said, reaching down to find Aradia's hand and weave their fingers together, "But you don't regret it, do you? Um, being with me, I mean."

This elicited a small laugh from the troll girl and she gazed deeply into Rose's eyes as she answered, "Do I look like someone who's filled with regret right now?"

"Hmm. The results are inconclusive," Rose said narrowing her eyes and flashing a grin, "I'll need to take a better look."

She then moved her face closer to Aradia's and pressed their foreheads together. The contact made Aradia shudder briefly before exhaling and then matching the rhythm of her breathing with Rose's. That strange tingling sensation Rose felt in the pile last night had returned and began to spread across the entirety of her skin--like a low electric current. Aradia hugged Rose so closely that it felt almost impossible to tell apart where one of them began and the other ended. Rose couldn't say for sure whether the rest of their conversation was even spoken out loud, or if it was just a dialogue held through touch and body movement alone. By now, they were both so deep in the zone that it really didn't even matter anymore:

Thank you for doing this for me.

You speak as if you're the only one who is being helped here, but I owe you this much.

No, but I--

Hush and let me show my gratitude to you in the way I see fit.

I guess I must have made a pretty big impression on you huh.

You're due more credit than you give yourself. What you did for me last night was nothing short of amazing.

I'm glad you think so, despite my awful mixed signals. But I was being sincere with you in the pile, I promise.

Good. I rather enjoy seeing this side of you. 

Even knowing what you do now? I would think you wouldn't want me.

It does not change a single thing except for further convincing me that you and I need each other.

Rose. You're going to make me cry again.

There will be plenty of opportunities for that later.

Oh will there?

That depends. Will you be my moirail?

Of course I will.

 

They then proceeded to have one of the best cuddle naps in the history of Paradox Space.

 

_The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Here's some fanart for you to enjoy:  
>   
> [PrincessHarumi drew this for me a while back.](http://princessharumi.tumblr.com/post/109053744868/sketch-commission-for-allofthemeadows-a-rare) These kids are too adorable for me. xD  
>   
>   
> [dydbunnies](archiveofourown.org/users/dydbunnies) also very nicely contributed this sweet little pic inspired by the second chapter. Aradia/Toast OTP :P


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